


The Ghost Pepper Disaster

by Undercover_Royalty



Category: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Infinity War is over and nobody died bc we love ourselves, Irondad to the rescue (sort of), Mistakes Are Made, Peter is a dumb boi but he's trying, YouTube Challenges, very hot peppers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-21 23:20:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16586231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Undercover_Royalty/pseuds/Undercover_Royalty
Summary: “Please, just... MJ, is it?” Tony asks, “Can you just tell me what’s going on?”The girl is silent for a moment. There are a few more pained shouts in the background and another voice, sounding panicked, before he hears something that might be a snort of laughter.“In a way, this defies explanation.”And with that cryptic message, she hangs up on him.





	The Ghost Pepper Disaster

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, all!  
> Instead of doing anything productive, I got lost in the wonders of YouTube today and thus, this idea was born. Here's hoping I can get back to In The Oddest of Places soon, and back to prime 'sleepy boi' content.  
> Thank you all for reading!

Tony picks up the phone at 7:04 p.m to a garbled shout. He jolts, taken aback, and pulls the phone away to read the Caller ID. 

‘Peter Parker’. 

Heart thundering in his chest, he pressed the phone back to his ear, hearing what now sounded like choking with a few whimpers thrown in for good measure. Good God, why hadn't Friday alerted him? Why hadn't Karen sent a warning? Peter's breathing is harsh, more like panting, he could be having a panic attack or his lungs could be obstructed but somehow, the kid wasn't breathing, and that was enough to send Tony into a miniaturized panic. 

“Kid? Pete?” he demands, breath shortening with every word, “Hey, hey, hey, talk to me, what’s going on, what’s happening?” 

“Mr. St-Stark—“ a voice rasps over the line, “I— holy shit! Oh my _God_!” 

This incredibly-helpful assessment of whatever the hell was happening was followed by what sounded like a splash and a muffled voice

“Ned, Ned, holy shit— _no_ , that didn’t help! Dude, stop— I can't breathe—!” 

“Peter!” Tony demands, louder than he expected, “Tell me what the hell is going on before you give me a goddamn heart attack!” 

“T-talk to MJ— oh God, I’m dying—“ Peter pants, before there’s a bit of a clatter and another voice over the line. 

“So, he actually called you.” an unimpressed female voice spoke. 

“What’s happening?” Tony asks for what feels like the billionth time, God, he’s getting a headache. 

“Can you bring a gallon of milk to Brookville Park?” the girl returns, calm as you please, “I told these losers to bring some, but they forgot, and decided to go ahead anyway.” 

“What—? I—?” Tony tries and fails to formulate a sentence, with a thousand questions and nowhere near that many answers. 

“Peter is... mostly fine.” the girl answers one pressing issue, “Bring the milk and you’ll see.” 

“Please, just... MJ, is it?” Tony asks, “Can you just tell me what’s going on?” 

The girl is silent for a moment. There are a few more pained shouts in the background and another voice, sounding panicked, before he hears something that might be a snort of laughter. 

“In a way, this defies explanation.” 

And with that cryptic message, she hangs up on him. Tony hasn’t been hung up on in years, not unless you count Rhodey and Pepper and as concerned as he might be for the unclear fate of his intern, he does feel a brief flash of admiration for the high-school girl confident enough to hang up on Tony Stark. After all, Peter can't be in that much danger if she did, right? And she was laughing, too, or at least he thought she was. That had to be a good sign. Maybe. He'd better hurry, just in case. 

Pepper takes one look at him, marching up the stairs in the Iron Man suit, a gallon of milk in one hand, and waves him off, with a warning that if he’s not back in forty minutes, they’re watching Grease for movie night tonight. And thus, setting a timer, Tony heads off for Brookville Park. And if he's going a fair bit over his normal cruising speed to get there, well, nobody will know but him. 

Not too long after, Tony comes in for a landing next to a park bench where a bored teenage girl lounges— undoubtably the famous MJ. He definitely wasn’t oblivious to the two teenage boys running around near the playground like chickens with their heads cut off. He pops the faceplate, squinting at them in confusion.

“Peter, dude, dude, _chill_!” Peter’s best friend, the one he’s told his tech department to watch for, is shouting, trying to keep up as Peter races ahead of him with no discernible trajectory, even vaulting through some of the playground equipment in his haste to do... whatever the heck he was doing. Tony stepped closer, and the girl briefly turns over one shoulder, closing her book and setting it aside. 

“Took you long enough.” MJ rolls her eyes, and megaphones her hands, shouting towards them, “ _Hey, losers!_ ” 

Tony has pulled Peter out of scraps more dangerous than this one, and quietly recognizes that he’ll likely be the one getting him out of many more. But in that moment, as Peter skids to a stop, and looks over to him, never before has he seen such a look of gratitude cross the kid’s face. He comes running back, Ted or Ned or whoever hot on his heels, and Tony only has a brief moment to confusedly extend the gallon of milk before it’s being torn from his hands and ripped open. 

In fact, that’s exactly what happens— Peter literally tears the container around the middle in his haste to open it. It explodes all over his face and Ned, keeled over with his hands on his knees, bursts into gasping laughter at the sight. Peter doesn’t seem to care in the slightest, upturning the lower half of his gallon like a bowl and guzzling the milk inside. He looks up at Tony in utter gratitude, sporting the most ridiculous milk mustache he’s ever seen. Tony is finally about to ask what the hell he just bore witness to when he hears a very distinctive crunch and looks over. 

MJ raises an eyebrow at him, crunching on a hot pepper. In fact, there’s a whole bag of assorted peppers sitting by her side. 

And suddenly, everything makes sense. 

“Oh my God.” Tony sighs, fixing Peter with his best ‘are you kidding me’ glare. 

To his credit, Peter does look fairly guilty, scrubbing the mustache off as he stood up. 

“Uh... sorry, Mr. Stark.” he apologizes, voice faint and rasping. 

Tony takes a very slow breath, considering the situation. He's grateful, nearly weak with relief that it's just this and not something worse. But his left arm is still throbbing in that not-good way it does these days, the days when he vividly remembers how it felt every time he had to take his arc reactor out. But Peter's okay. He's okay. So, in the end, Tony only sighs. 

“Do I even wanna know why?”

“Peter did the ghost pepper challenge, sir.” Ned offers, meekly. 

Tony’s eyebrows knit. 

“The what now?” 

“On... on YouTube?” Peter tries to clarify, “Basically you just... film yourself... eating a ghost pepper.” 

Tony thinks for a moment about how exactly he wants to respond to that. It’s about the stupidest thing he’s ever heard, and he’s sat through multiple debriefings with _Clint Barton_ for God’s sake. And now Tony himself feels like a bit of an idiot for getting all worked up over his intern nearly spicing himself to death. 

“People... people do it all the time.” Peter offers, weakly. 

“Pete,” he shakes his head, “I don’t even... kid, you can’t handle anything above the mild salsa at _Taco Bell_ without breaking out in a sweat. What the hell were you thinking?” 

“Wasn’t really.” Peter returns, a pained look crossing his face as he wrapped an arm around his middle, “Just kinda... did it.” 

Tony already has a name for his autobiography, but "Just Kinda... Did It" sure sounds like what he'd call Peter's— assuming the kid would even make it to old age at this rate. Lord, he really was getting too old for this. 

“MJ, did you turn the video off?” Ned asks, mopping his face. 

MJ crunches into another pepper and shakes her head.

“Nope.” 

“Oh God, delete it,” Peter groans, “Please, MJ, just delete it.” 

“Whoa, whoa, hold on, there.” Tony stops him, a brilliant idea starting to form, “There’s actual footage of this happening?” 

MJ glances over and he likes the glint in her eyes as she nods, picking Peter’s phone up from the bench next to her and holding it out. 

“Wannabe-Youtuber into and all.” 

Tony gleefully accepts it, pressing down on the screen. 

‘ _How can I be of service?_ ’ Karen activates, a little white circle lighting up the corner of the screen. 

“Mr. Stark, no—“ Peter tries to lunge for the phone, but Tony sidesteps him. 

“Karen, darlin’, how _are_ you?” Tony greets the AI, “Listen, that video Pete’s just recorded, would you mind sending that along to Friday?” 

‘ _At once, sir._ ’ Karen returns, the circle merging into a cyan shade and then green, ‘ _Message sent._ ’ 

“Karen, how could you?!” Peter laments, sounding betrayed. 

_‘I’m sorry, Peter, but my ‘Parental Controls’ protocol has been activated. Any footage I receive that suggests you may have suffered bodily harm is subject to further analysis by Tony Stark or May Parker without requesting direct permission._ ’ Karen explains. 

“ _Dude_.” Ned— yep, that's his name—shakes his head, apparently unsure whether to commiserate with Peter or marvel at the AI tech. 

“You got that footage, Fri?” Tony checks his comm. 

‘ _I certainly do._ ’ FRIDAY responds, ‘ _And where will that be going?_ ’ 

“Oh, I think May Parker would be a good start.” Tony nods, “And then, let’s see, how about... Bruce, Rhodey, annnd— oh, has _Thor_ gotten a phone yet?” 

Peter was still red all over but looked far closer to passing out. Ned seemed to share his sentiments, both boys staring up at him with wide eyes. 

‘ _My records indicate that he has recently joined the Avengers data plan._ ’ FRIDAY responded. 

“Fantastic.” Tony nods, “MJ? You want in?” 

“Why not?” the girl shrugs, “It’ll come in useful.” 

“You heard her, Fri— grab the number from Karen and add MJ in.” 

‘ _At once, sir._ ’ Friday agrees, and then, a second later, ‘ _Message sent to all recipients._ ’ 

“Perfect.” Tony nods, and hands Peter back his phone. He’s sitting there in horror, face bright red, milk dripping from his hair, and Tony makes sure keep a good mental picture of this moment. 

“Well then, I’d say we’re done here.” Tony shrugs, reaching down to briefly ruffle Peter’s hair, “Humiliation really is the best teacher, kiddo— trust me on this one.” 

“I’m gonna _die._ ” Peter moans, weakly trying to push Tony’s hand away. 

“No, you’re not.” Tony returns, perhaps a bit more fondly than he intended, “Hey, maybe the Avengers’ll create the ‘Watch Peter Freak Out Over A Hot Pepper’ Challenge.” 

Peter slumps over and finally flops against the grass, defeated. The agonized sound that follows is enough for even MJ to crack a smile, quickly hiding it behind a book. Tony barely hides a laugh himself 

“See you, Pete!” 

And with that, Tony jets back off to the compound. Forget Grease— he and Pepper had something better to watch.


End file.
